Only-The-Lonely.com
Only The Lonely My Pet
Oh, look at her, she is so cute feeding that parking meter. Need some quarters? Make sure you put enough in the Government needs your money.
Hmmm told you to put enough quarters in that parking meter so we had plenty of time to shop. Now you went and got yourself a parking ticket. Stinks to be you. Now you have to give the government of Lake Geneva, Wis. your hard earned money for that ticket. For what so they can waste it on the Mayors pet project? I know those parking meters stink. You thought this was the home of the brave and the land of the free. Ha Ha fooled you. You’re not free to park were you want without giving the government its graft. I call on the Tea Party to picket Lake Geneva until they get rid of those pesky parking meters. Na the Tea Party is too busy filling out forms for the IRS and holding rally’s against the IRS. If they keep protesting the IRS they will have more IRS forms to fill out and audits too. Government has grown too big and they are nickel and diming us to death (yes the parking meter only takes quarters soon it will only take dollars and credit cards). How are we supposed to put food on the table when we have to put all our money into parking meters and parking tickets? Whoever invented parking meters should be taken out at dawn and spanked with a wet noodle for all the aggravation he or she has caused us.
Yes you have to take money out of the bank to pay that ticket. You have plenty of money what are you worried about, no big deal. You’re a rich Republican. Oh, I forgot you’re so cheap, every dollar cries when it come out of your wallet. Maybe that’s why you got so much money. The government is calling, sorry, you have to pay your fair share. They need your money to put into green jobs for Lake Geneva, Wis. Don’t worry they will probably use your money to put in more parking meters. Instead of a chicken in every pot their motto should be a parking meter in front of every house, building and shed. Go team, the land of the free. Free as long as you don’t park in Lake Geneva, Wis.
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What are you into now? Oh these are European pedal cars. There are a bunch of Europeans peddling on the road, across the USA, from sea to sea. (My hope is that they don’t tangle with a Mac truck or a Mini Cooper, either way the end is the same, splat.) No you can’t go with them. I know it sounds like fun but you have to stay here and keep me company.
Some of the pedal cars have small electric motors so they don’t have to pedal all the time. If they get tired they take a rest by switching on the electric motor. Maybe this is a wave of the future. You know how cars keep getting smaller and smaller. Hey, our leaders have a phone and a pen they can do whatever they want. They could mandate that everyone turn in their car at a government authorized recycling center and issue everyone a European pedal car, like the ones in the picture. Just think of the lives that would be saved from auto accidents. Think about how much money you would save under pedal power. No more car payment, no more gas pumps, no more oil changes, no more insurance payments. Oops, the government would probably still mandate you have insurance (you know the government; they don’t want to give up any power they have over you). Plus it would be a green movement panacea, no more greenhouse gasses being spewed into the atmosphere (unless you farted while peddling).
Forgot about one thing, were do you put the kids? I know! The government to the rescue again, we can become like China. Just have the government mandate you can only have one child. Then you could put that one child in your lap till they are old enough to pedal for themselves. Wow problem solved. Maybe not, what happens if you have more than one child? Oh that’s easy to fix, just strap the small children into a drone. The drone would be controlled by your cell phone. Tap the GPS coordinates or address of where you want to go into your phone. Then the drone follows above your head by tracking your phone. The drone stays in the air until you tap on your phone again and tell it to land (make sure you keep your phone charged). If you’re a slow pedal the kids will be circling around and around above your head, like a lost bird. At least you won’t get the infamous question “how long till we get there”. Oh, they will probably say it you just won’t hear it.
If you don’t like the drone idea, you can get little baby carriage pedal car that looks like an egg with wheels. You hook the little egg car to your pedal car from behind then you hook the next egg car behind the last egg car, like a chain. People with large families would have to make wide turns if they have 4 or 5 egg cars. Think of the exercise you would get from pulling 4 or 5 egg cars. If you have a dozen little children then you would have a dozen egg cars following behind. You need the super duper electric motor in your pedal car to pull a dozen egg cars. The pedal car with egg cars behind it would look like ducks, waddling down the road.
Of course the government would issue the drones and pedal cars but they would be made by private industry. Otherwise the drones would crash like the healthcare website. Whatever happens don’t let GM build the pedal cars or you will have massive pedal car recalls.
Enough of the government mandate stuff. Those peddle cars are cool and it would be fun to go across the USA in one.
The Beginning of Only the Lonely My Pet
Just the facts and nothing but the facts.
This is the vicinity that a dastardly deed took place. There should be police crime scene tape around this area. The crime went unreported and unnoticed by everyone except for me. I found the body half buried in the sand. That’s why I named her Only the Lonely because she looked so lonely, lying there in the sand. (Maybe I should have named her Only the Looney.)
What did they do before tromping her into the sand? Just let me tell you, she was hit with rackets. Plop over the net, plop back over the net, smash into the net, whoosh, plunk to the ground. Over and over again, it went on and on. They even kept score on how many good hits she received. The whole time they were laughing and making merry. Right there out in the open. Other people even walked by with a smile on their face, watching Only the Lonely flying through the air after being wacked by a racket. After they had their fun, it appears her assailants were walking back and forth kicking sand over poor Only the Lonely.
Take a closer look at her picture. Since I rescued her, she is all happy and proud. Only the Lonely will never be abused again as long as she’s in my possession (unless you call leaving her in a hot van for days at a time abuse.)
Now, all is right, Only the Lonely is my pet and she is well cared for, except for the hot van thing. I’m glad she didn’t melt. I would hate to clean gooey sticky plastic out of the van. (I hate to clean anything, it's much more fun to make a mess.) I have it, if she melts, just take her to the car wash and let them clean the gooey mess. No, No, No, just kidding she really likes riding in the van with me. She is not going to turn into a gooey mess.
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